"Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves". Matthew 7:15 NLB
Throughout my life I have always heard Matthew 23 (the chapter on Hypocrites) preached towards regular Christians. As humans (Christian or not) we all have areas of our lives that we are blind to. Psychology calls it denial. We say certain things are important but in reality we compromise on those very things all the time. We may be blind to how we do this but trust me, others are not. They will get grumpy and call that person a "hypocrite!" Now it is completely valid to be frustrated with a person's inconsistencies but that isn't what Jesus is talking about in that teaching. He was talking about how to spot dangerous people in leadership.
One day when I was really struggling with some really bizarre things said to me by a particular Pastor, the Lord brought to my mind this chapter. He pushed me to read it. Thinking he was talking about me & my own inconsistencies I bucked it. I thought, "Really God? I don't need to hear this right now!" However I caved in and as I read it I realized that Jesus was talking about LEADERSHIP in this section not regular Christians. It is actually a warning for us to be careful about those we allow to lead us…... they might be a wolf in sheep's clothing.
In the same way that we are all shocked and disgusted with some of the stuff that comes out about religious leaders Jesus was equally as passionate trying to warn us about this danger. He is not surprised that treacherous men or women weasel their way into church leadership. He does not endorse this but instead is the one who allows them to be exposed. Ephesians 5:6-11 Read Matthew 23, Jesus uses some pretty strong language trying to express the importance of using wisdom and discretion when picking a church and funding it. Warning us to be careful is the opposite of asking us to just blindly trust anyone standing on a stage………
What is a wolf? In a way I had assumed that Wolves and Goats were just different versions of the same person but I started to see that this was not true. They are different. So before we figure out what a wolf is we need to understand what a goat is. A sheep is a real Christian. Wolves and Goats are the people who regularly attend church who are not actually Christians. The church is full of all three.
Matthew 26:31-46 discusses the Sheep and the Goats. The difference between the two is how they actually treated people in everyday life. What it looks like to me is this: Goats are just regular people who go to church and live their lives according to the values they were raised with. So if a person was raised in the inner city they will have morals that will reflect that world. If they grow up in a hard working blue collar family they will live their lives according to the good things that life taught them but they also have the same blind spots and weakness their friends and family have. If they lived in a white collar family, again they will embrace a white collar worldview and that will be the lens that they use to prioritizes their choices in life. None of this has anything to do with being a Christian. It is just the way we were raised.
A sheep takes ALL of that.... the good the bad and the ugly and over his lifespan he re-evaluates it against scripture. "Is what I was taught about right and wrong the same as what Jesus teaches?" Then they ask the Lord to reveals to them their weakness, false beliefs and blind spots. The Lord is faithful and he will guide his sheep and present opportunities to make different choices. The sheep will eventually make changes: they start treating people just a little bit different then they used to. Over time we can see a difference. He is not a model citizen over night. Faith and pressing in (prayer) to God keeps the sheep moving in the right direction and the grace of God (forgiveness) cuts them the slack they need as they learn.
It is not fair to judge a person who came from an awful upbringing with the same expectations as someone who grew up in a reasonably healthy family. We need to extend the same grace we were given (at salvation & in life) to others, as they learn. Luke 7:47 A person who was raised in a really harsh situation or coming out of addiction will come across pretty bad in the beginning and honestly it is difficult to tell if they are a sincere convert or not. Extending grace doesn't mean leave yourself unprotected it means don't snub them until they live up to your expectations. Find safe neutral ground, bring a friend and met them there. I am not talking about an X romantic situation here. I am talking about regular people at church you interact with but are not completely comfortable with because they have a different background then you do. Love them to the level that you still feel safe in. Don't write them off as a wolf right from the outset. Don't leave yourself exposed either. They need Jesus. They want Jesus and they WILL FALL, protect yourself.
Also it is true life can throw us curve balls and we completely blow it, stop trying or whatever but at some point a Sheep will dust themselves off ....and try again, Proverbs 24:16. If a person is a true believer he will again make it his goal to live his life with the desire to please God. Selfishness is not his motive, nor is cleaning up her image or damaged control from a major crash and burn, nor scurrying on a hamster wheel to please some "big important person" ......but a dedicated desire to please God. Acts 5:29 One day at a time, one issue at a time, God teaches them how to take the "high road"........ his "high road". Matthew 7:13-14
A goat just goes about business and allows the society she grew up in, or the current popular opinion, to be what determines good or bad. That is good enough for her. He is fine. He thinks of himself as a Christian but his definition of a Christian does not require a changed life. It does not make him uncomfortable. It does not raise the bar. She is fine the way she is, God "gets it." Everything he wants to do is somehow justified and God understands. The Goat rarely sees a need to reevaluate. The goat also sees the grace of God and the forgiveness of God in a way the bible refers to as "license". Jude 1:3, 4 Titus 1:16 which is; "Everyone sins so it doesn't matter what I do, the blood of Jesus covers me!" Unfortunately God does not forgive the unrepentant person. Before we can experience the forgiveness of God we need to understand that we have grieved his heart. Matthew 5:17-20 We are the ones who need to "get it" not God.
If the goat does feel the need to change it is because he wants to fit in with those around him. He does not allow God to set the bar in his life thus influencing society but instead just complies with society allowing it to be the bar he lives by. This person either does his "own thing" or follows the crowd but he is not actually trying to follow Jesus and his teachings. The word "Christian" means "church goer" or a "good person" who believes in a deity. It does not mean a Disciple of what Jesus taught.
A wolf is a player. The word "hypocrite" is the word they used for an "actor", so it is a person who ACTS or "plays the part" or as we would say "a Player". Other terms we may use are "a user", a" con man", a "bully", a "snake in the grass" ......a "narcissist" , a "criminal" and so on. Life is a game that is to be played and church is just another one of the playfields she likes to use. "Anyone who takes things seriously is a sucker and deserves to get taken advantage of" can be their life's motto. They may or may not have a conscience.
Sometimes a wolf is a person who is simply trying to utilizing the advantage church membership can bring. Yet he is still deceiving people because he doesn't believe any of it. The wolf KNOWS what he is doing. He knows he is playing people. He knows he doesn't really embrace all this stuff. He is simply playing along with the church game because he wants something...... popularity, friends, entertainment. Maybe he is making business contacts, or looking to increase his customer base, looking for a spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend or is a sexual offender that is looking for their next victim. They are not Christians but a person working a naïve and trusting crowd for their own gain.
If a wolf is in an official teaching position they will weave scripture around in such a way that it exploits scripture for their own personal gain, which is generally money or popularity protected with unchallenged trust. They will quote Psalms 105:15 "Don't touch God's anointed!" The problem is a wolf is not anointed by God. He is a hijacker. God protects his real followers but imposters he asks us to expose. The bible does not support having blind faith in leadership but this idea has been weaved into our thinking over the ages. The Pastor I grew up with regularly would tell us to go home and check up on what he taught us. He TRAINED us to challenge the pulpit and test what we heard. Honest people do this. If a person is not hiding anything then they don't mind when someone checks their facts. If an error is found then they want to correct the error. A deceiver will fly into a rage and launch personal attacks in an attempt to derail you. My Pastor was a humble sincere and dedicated man. I learned though he is not necessarily the norm! In addition to Pastors who are sheep there are goats behind the pulpit as well as wolves.
The traditional format; a big stage with large crowds staring at one person is a formula that draws in the narcissist like a magnet. Trying to keep them out of that format is like swimming upstream. In addition we are a narcissistic society so we reinforce this problem. Narcissists have great stage presence and we love that but they are thin on character which blindsides us. Also the culture in a large group re-creates High School. The church is a great place for people with what I call "unmet high school needs" to get a second chance at popularity. I have seen many ugly ducklings rise to "greatness" in a church setting. So even when people are sincere in the desire to serve God the dynamics of the popularity game can be a huge distraction. It redirects the allegiance from dedication to God and his word to a dedication of trying to fit in with a new crowd. A Queen Bee wolf will create an underground set of expectations that fly under the radar of the legitimate authority driven by her insatiable jealousy. (dress codes, shunning singles, ugly or pretty people, rich or poor people, pet legalistic beliefs like no TV or socially banning birth control and so on) By creating her own "legal system" she usurps the authority of scripture with her authority, her definition of what a lady does or a Proverbs 31 women is like. Table manners can become more important than feeding the poor…. "They lack manners!" "They have a messy house!" She is a King Saul or the older Brother Ruben. If you don't comply with her implied demands she will "cast you off the island", "banish you from the tribe" or in the case of church no one speaks to you until you comply or just give up and simply leave….."That church is sooooo rude!"
The Sheep Pastor can be oblivious to the underground power games being played out in his congregation or at a loss as to how to handle it. Remember this brand of wolf is a Eddy Haskell and they kiss up to the official leadership in order to siphon off the power to use for themselves. They are a "leader" among peers. It is naïve to think that the church is immune to what NORMALLY happens in large groups. Jesus wasn't. He warned us to beware of this. He told us NOT to blindly trust leaders but instead test their fruit (actions). Matthew 7:16
The point is a wolf is intentionally deceiving people about who they are and what their intentions are. A goat is oblivious. He may not agree with some of the stuff he reads in the bible but will readily admit it to people who are like minded or won't give him a bunch of grief. With a goat it is more of a different opinion then a desire to con or mislead people. Though I have to warn you this is a slippery slope. When does keeping our real beliefs secret switch from privacy to deception? The reality is wolves are everywhere not just church. Church is just one of their many hunting grounds. We can find them at work; the guy who steps on everyone to further his career, employee theft & white collar embezzlement. They can live in your neighborhood causing havoc and they bully in a school yard.
Living in a dreamy fantasyland that church should just naturally evolve as a safe happy place by itself is unrealistic, yet we do want this to be so. In reality it is a human institution filled with sinners that welcomes anyone who walks through the door. There really isn't much discretion. The fear of becoming a controlling church outweighs the fear of wolves on the prowl. The reality is people have grievances, legitimate or not. It would be nice if the institution of church would create a clear grievance structure within their system as instructed in scripture. I Corinthians 6:1 Accept the reality; people need a place to vent. Without this structure in place gossip becomes the venue of choice. People will take situations into their own hands if no one else will deal with it. They will accuse people of being a wolf over minor offenses and turn a blind eye to hideous offenses because the guy was so charming. Yet even with a clearly defined checks and balances wolves sneak in. (background checks are now required for Sunday school teachers). We will still need to watch our back. When we get to heaven THAT is where the real weeding process happens not here. A wolf is simply not welcome there. Matthew 13:24-29
What can we do to protect ourselves from wolves? I suppose the biggest thing is to seek GOD not man. There is a lot of pressure out there to fit into a church and comply with its little subculture. In order to survive in life we need to appease these various cultures like church, work, family, the neighborhood etc but don't let them pressure you into dismissing the voice of God and his leading in your life. Seek HIM first and let all that other stuff sort itself out Matthew 6:33. When you hear a "sour note," an odd comment or inconsistency that doesn't quite add up…… you see little flashes of fur instead of wool coming from a person or a group of people do not dismiss it. Do NOT feel obligated to give them a special pass just because of the position they might hold. But also don't over react becoming suspicious of every little thing. Wait and see, pray and don't take a risk until the question has been answered. Sometimes you have enough information that you can address the situation in the formal sense but so often people are so suckered by these people it backfires. So just be careful.
Jesus said "Be as innocent as doves but as wise as a serpent" Matthew 10:16 which means live a clean life but don't be gullible. This is hard to do. Good clean people tend to be trusting and naive. People who are wise to the ways of the world tend to have lived a pretty rough life and can be cynical about everything. As Christians we need to learn from each other's wisdom. The Rough need to learn from the innocent. The innocent need to learn from the reformed ruffian. As we seek God in prayer and read the bible and start to incorporate it into our lives we will start to understand what God "feels" like. The BIBLE is your measuring stick not the sermon. Just like a person who deals with money all day when we run across a counterfeit we will get a cold chill up our spine…. "Something is not right!"
What do you do with someone who has already been mauled by a wolf? It never works to discredit their experience. You may look at the person and think "Ahhh, he was more of a coyote then a wolf!" Or you may think "Were you blind? That guy is so obviously a jerk! Why did you ever give him the time of day?!?" Wolves prey on the weak or at least the weak spots. This person had a weak spot that was exploited. You have them as well. Do not gloat, set the judgment aside and be compassionate. IF every creature could hold their own against a wolf then they would have starved to death. As it is they circle until they find a soft spot and then go in for their kill. So just be understanding and listen. Don't grieve the Holy Spirit and act like Job's comforters. God did not support that tactic. There will be a time to create a plan of action in the future but the first line of defense is to clear out all the fog hurt feelings create so the sunshine of wisdom can shine bright down the road. Shine that light too soon and they will simply squint and back off from you. Your light is just a reflection in the fog. Wait until the fog clears to speak truth. I know this can be hard to do for some.
Do not try to force the mauled person back into the environment that they were burned by but instead allow them leeway. Remind them that it was actually the wolves that put Jesus on the cross, so he understands. Judas was a very good friend of Jesus' but he was a wolf and he sold his buddy out for a few coins. It is safe to read the bible and seek Jesus. God is faithful he will restore you. The Lord is on YOUR SIDE not the wolves. Psalms 118:6 If legal action is necessary then walk with them through that. Taking that step can be almost as awful as what happened. So this choice can be a struggle to make and impossible on their own. Encouraging them to sweep it under the table does not help others. Pushing someone ahead of their comfort level can make them run for cover. Sometimes just sitting there can help. Healing takes time and love. Love washes out the infection bitterness can bring. Being in isolation creates a hard heart. Buck the temptation to just back off until all the drama blows over. Do what you can.
As far as church is concerned, there is only ONE VERSE on the topic. Hebrews 10:25 . It simply says "Don't forsake meeting with other believers." If this person can't stomach church meet with them for coffee on a regular basis until they are strong enough to handle it or find a small group of believers that meet on a regular basis and use that as your church. Starting a home church is becoming a common thing. Doing "church" in these ways does not defy God at all. It just goes against tradition. Trust me God is more concerned with restoring the heart of a loved one that protecting a tradition.
Remember this person, the wolf, was not your "salvation" Jesus is. Giving up on Jesus because the devil played a player and then in turn they played you, plays right into the "master game players" hand (the Devil). Don't allow him the satisfaction. Remember: God is good. He loves us. He is your hiding place. Psalms 32: 7 Invite him into your hiding place he will comfort you.
In the same way that we are all shocked and disgusted with some of the stuff that comes out about religious leaders Jesus was equally as passionate trying to warn us about this danger. He is not surprised that treacherous men or women weasel their way into church leadership. He does not endorse this but instead is the one who allows them to be exposed. Ephesians 5:6-11 Read Matthew 23, Jesus uses some pretty strong language trying to express the importance of using wisdom and discretion when picking a church and funding it. Warning us to be careful is the opposite of asking us to just blindly trust anyone standing on a stage………
What is a wolf? In a way I had assumed that Wolves and Goats were just different versions of the same person but I started to see that this was not true. They are different. So before we figure out what a wolf is we need to understand what a goat is. A sheep is a real Christian. Wolves and Goats are the people who regularly attend church who are not actually Christians. The church is full of all three.
Matthew 26:31-46 discusses the Sheep and the Goats. The difference between the two is how they actually treated people in everyday life. What it looks like to me is this: Goats are just regular people who go to church and live their lives according to the values they were raised with. So if a person was raised in the inner city they will have morals that will reflect that world. If they grow up in a hard working blue collar family they will live their lives according to the good things that life taught them but they also have the same blind spots and weakness their friends and family have. If they lived in a white collar family, again they will embrace a white collar worldview and that will be the lens that they use to prioritizes their choices in life. None of this has anything to do with being a Christian. It is just the way we were raised.
A sheep takes ALL of that.... the good the bad and the ugly and over his lifespan he re-evaluates it against scripture. "Is what I was taught about right and wrong the same as what Jesus teaches?" Then they ask the Lord to reveals to them their weakness, false beliefs and blind spots. The Lord is faithful and he will guide his sheep and present opportunities to make different choices. The sheep will eventually make changes: they start treating people just a little bit different then they used to. Over time we can see a difference. He is not a model citizen over night. Faith and pressing in (prayer) to God keeps the sheep moving in the right direction and the grace of God (forgiveness) cuts them the slack they need as they learn.
It is not fair to judge a person who came from an awful upbringing with the same expectations as someone who grew up in a reasonably healthy family. We need to extend the same grace we were given (at salvation & in life) to others, as they learn. Luke 7:47 A person who was raised in a really harsh situation or coming out of addiction will come across pretty bad in the beginning and honestly it is difficult to tell if they are a sincere convert or not. Extending grace doesn't mean leave yourself unprotected it means don't snub them until they live up to your expectations. Find safe neutral ground, bring a friend and met them there. I am not talking about an X romantic situation here. I am talking about regular people at church you interact with but are not completely comfortable with because they have a different background then you do. Love them to the level that you still feel safe in. Don't write them off as a wolf right from the outset. Don't leave yourself exposed either. They need Jesus. They want Jesus and they WILL FALL, protect yourself.
Also it is true life can throw us curve balls and we completely blow it, stop trying or whatever but at some point a Sheep will dust themselves off ....and try again, Proverbs 24:16. If a person is a true believer he will again make it his goal to live his life with the desire to please God. Selfishness is not his motive, nor is cleaning up her image or damaged control from a major crash and burn, nor scurrying on a hamster wheel to please some "big important person" ......but a dedicated desire to please God. Acts 5:29 One day at a time, one issue at a time, God teaches them how to take the "high road"........ his "high road". Matthew 7:13-14
A goat just goes about business and allows the society she grew up in, or the current popular opinion, to be what determines good or bad. That is good enough for her. He is fine. He thinks of himself as a Christian but his definition of a Christian does not require a changed life. It does not make him uncomfortable. It does not raise the bar. She is fine the way she is, God "gets it." Everything he wants to do is somehow justified and God understands. The Goat rarely sees a need to reevaluate. The goat also sees the grace of God and the forgiveness of God in a way the bible refers to as "license". Jude 1:3, 4 Titus 1:16 which is; "Everyone sins so it doesn't matter what I do, the blood of Jesus covers me!" Unfortunately God does not forgive the unrepentant person. Before we can experience the forgiveness of God we need to understand that we have grieved his heart. Matthew 5:17-20 We are the ones who need to "get it" not God.
If the goat does feel the need to change it is because he wants to fit in with those around him. He does not allow God to set the bar in his life thus influencing society but instead just complies with society allowing it to be the bar he lives by. This person either does his "own thing" or follows the crowd but he is not actually trying to follow Jesus and his teachings. The word "Christian" means "church goer" or a "good person" who believes in a deity. It does not mean a Disciple of what Jesus taught.
A wolf is a player. The word "hypocrite" is the word they used for an "actor", so it is a person who ACTS or "plays the part" or as we would say "a Player". Other terms we may use are "a user", a" con man", a "bully", a "snake in the grass" ......a "narcissist" , a "criminal" and so on. Life is a game that is to be played and church is just another one of the playfields she likes to use. "Anyone who takes things seriously is a sucker and deserves to get taken advantage of" can be their life's motto. They may or may not have a conscience.
Sometimes a wolf is a person who is simply trying to utilizing the advantage church membership can bring. Yet he is still deceiving people because he doesn't believe any of it. The wolf KNOWS what he is doing. He knows he is playing people. He knows he doesn't really embrace all this stuff. He is simply playing along with the church game because he wants something...... popularity, friends, entertainment. Maybe he is making business contacts, or looking to increase his customer base, looking for a spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend or is a sexual offender that is looking for their next victim. They are not Christians but a person working a naïve and trusting crowd for their own gain.
If a wolf is in an official teaching position they will weave scripture around in such a way that it exploits scripture for their own personal gain, which is generally money or popularity protected with unchallenged trust. They will quote Psalms 105:15 "Don't touch God's anointed!" The problem is a wolf is not anointed by God. He is a hijacker. God protects his real followers but imposters he asks us to expose. The bible does not support having blind faith in leadership but this idea has been weaved into our thinking over the ages. The Pastor I grew up with regularly would tell us to go home and check up on what he taught us. He TRAINED us to challenge the pulpit and test what we heard. Honest people do this. If a person is not hiding anything then they don't mind when someone checks their facts. If an error is found then they want to correct the error. A deceiver will fly into a rage and launch personal attacks in an attempt to derail you. My Pastor was a humble sincere and dedicated man. I learned though he is not necessarily the norm! In addition to Pastors who are sheep there are goats behind the pulpit as well as wolves.
The traditional format; a big stage with large crowds staring at one person is a formula that draws in the narcissist like a magnet. Trying to keep them out of that format is like swimming upstream. In addition we are a narcissistic society so we reinforce this problem. Narcissists have great stage presence and we love that but they are thin on character which blindsides us. Also the culture in a large group re-creates High School. The church is a great place for people with what I call "unmet high school needs" to get a second chance at popularity. I have seen many ugly ducklings rise to "greatness" in a church setting. So even when people are sincere in the desire to serve God the dynamics of the popularity game can be a huge distraction. It redirects the allegiance from dedication to God and his word to a dedication of trying to fit in with a new crowd. A Queen Bee wolf will create an underground set of expectations that fly under the radar of the legitimate authority driven by her insatiable jealousy. (dress codes, shunning singles, ugly or pretty people, rich or poor people, pet legalistic beliefs like no TV or socially banning birth control and so on) By creating her own "legal system" she usurps the authority of scripture with her authority, her definition of what a lady does or a Proverbs 31 women is like. Table manners can become more important than feeding the poor…. "They lack manners!" "They have a messy house!" She is a King Saul or the older Brother Ruben. If you don't comply with her implied demands she will "cast you off the island", "banish you from the tribe" or in the case of church no one speaks to you until you comply or just give up and simply leave….."That church is sooooo rude!"
The Sheep Pastor can be oblivious to the underground power games being played out in his congregation or at a loss as to how to handle it. Remember this brand of wolf is a Eddy Haskell and they kiss up to the official leadership in order to siphon off the power to use for themselves. They are a "leader" among peers. It is naïve to think that the church is immune to what NORMALLY happens in large groups. Jesus wasn't. He warned us to beware of this. He told us NOT to blindly trust leaders but instead test their fruit (actions). Matthew 7:16
The point is a wolf is intentionally deceiving people about who they are and what their intentions are. A goat is oblivious. He may not agree with some of the stuff he reads in the bible but will readily admit it to people who are like minded or won't give him a bunch of grief. With a goat it is more of a different opinion then a desire to con or mislead people. Though I have to warn you this is a slippery slope. When does keeping our real beliefs secret switch from privacy to deception? The reality is wolves are everywhere not just church. Church is just one of their many hunting grounds. We can find them at work; the guy who steps on everyone to further his career, employee theft & white collar embezzlement. They can live in your neighborhood causing havoc and they bully in a school yard.
Living in a dreamy fantasyland that church should just naturally evolve as a safe happy place by itself is unrealistic, yet we do want this to be so. In reality it is a human institution filled with sinners that welcomes anyone who walks through the door. There really isn't much discretion. The fear of becoming a controlling church outweighs the fear of wolves on the prowl. The reality is people have grievances, legitimate or not. It would be nice if the institution of church would create a clear grievance structure within their system as instructed in scripture. I Corinthians 6:1 Accept the reality; people need a place to vent. Without this structure in place gossip becomes the venue of choice. People will take situations into their own hands if no one else will deal with it. They will accuse people of being a wolf over minor offenses and turn a blind eye to hideous offenses because the guy was so charming. Yet even with a clearly defined checks and balances wolves sneak in. (background checks are now required for Sunday school teachers). We will still need to watch our back. When we get to heaven THAT is where the real weeding process happens not here. A wolf is simply not welcome there. Matthew 13:24-29
What can we do to protect ourselves from wolves? I suppose the biggest thing is to seek GOD not man. There is a lot of pressure out there to fit into a church and comply with its little subculture. In order to survive in life we need to appease these various cultures like church, work, family, the neighborhood etc but don't let them pressure you into dismissing the voice of God and his leading in your life. Seek HIM first and let all that other stuff sort itself out Matthew 6:33. When you hear a "sour note," an odd comment or inconsistency that doesn't quite add up…… you see little flashes of fur instead of wool coming from a person or a group of people do not dismiss it. Do NOT feel obligated to give them a special pass just because of the position they might hold. But also don't over react becoming suspicious of every little thing. Wait and see, pray and don't take a risk until the question has been answered. Sometimes you have enough information that you can address the situation in the formal sense but so often people are so suckered by these people it backfires. So just be careful.
Jesus said "Be as innocent as doves but as wise as a serpent" Matthew 10:16 which means live a clean life but don't be gullible. This is hard to do. Good clean people tend to be trusting and naive. People who are wise to the ways of the world tend to have lived a pretty rough life and can be cynical about everything. As Christians we need to learn from each other's wisdom. The Rough need to learn from the innocent. The innocent need to learn from the reformed ruffian. As we seek God in prayer and read the bible and start to incorporate it into our lives we will start to understand what God "feels" like. The BIBLE is your measuring stick not the sermon. Just like a person who deals with money all day when we run across a counterfeit we will get a cold chill up our spine…. "Something is not right!"
What do you do with someone who has already been mauled by a wolf? It never works to discredit their experience. You may look at the person and think "Ahhh, he was more of a coyote then a wolf!" Or you may think "Were you blind? That guy is so obviously a jerk! Why did you ever give him the time of day?!?" Wolves prey on the weak or at least the weak spots. This person had a weak spot that was exploited. You have them as well. Do not gloat, set the judgment aside and be compassionate. IF every creature could hold their own against a wolf then they would have starved to death. As it is they circle until they find a soft spot and then go in for their kill. So just be understanding and listen. Don't grieve the Holy Spirit and act like Job's comforters. God did not support that tactic. There will be a time to create a plan of action in the future but the first line of defense is to clear out all the fog hurt feelings create so the sunshine of wisdom can shine bright down the road. Shine that light too soon and they will simply squint and back off from you. Your light is just a reflection in the fog. Wait until the fog clears to speak truth. I know this can be hard to do for some.
Do not try to force the mauled person back into the environment that they were burned by but instead allow them leeway. Remind them that it was actually the wolves that put Jesus on the cross, so he understands. Judas was a very good friend of Jesus' but he was a wolf and he sold his buddy out for a few coins. It is safe to read the bible and seek Jesus. God is faithful he will restore you. The Lord is on YOUR SIDE not the wolves. Psalms 118:6 If legal action is necessary then walk with them through that. Taking that step can be almost as awful as what happened. So this choice can be a struggle to make and impossible on their own. Encouraging them to sweep it under the table does not help others. Pushing someone ahead of their comfort level can make them run for cover. Sometimes just sitting there can help. Healing takes time and love. Love washes out the infection bitterness can bring. Being in isolation creates a hard heart. Buck the temptation to just back off until all the drama blows over. Do what you can.
As far as church is concerned, there is only ONE VERSE on the topic. Hebrews 10:25 . It simply says "Don't forsake meeting with other believers." If this person can't stomach church meet with them for coffee on a regular basis until they are strong enough to handle it or find a small group of believers that meet on a regular basis and use that as your church. Starting a home church is becoming a common thing. Doing "church" in these ways does not defy God at all. It just goes against tradition. Trust me God is more concerned with restoring the heart of a loved one that protecting a tradition.
Remember this person, the wolf, was not your "salvation" Jesus is. Giving up on Jesus because the devil played a player and then in turn they played you, plays right into the "master game players" hand (the Devil). Don't allow him the satisfaction. Remember: God is good. He loves us. He is your hiding place. Psalms 32: 7 Invite him into your hiding place he will comfort you.
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