Human nature seems to want things to be black and white.
Have you ever noticed this?
We like simple easy "one liners" that tend to lean to one extreme or the other.
We create a competition in our minds between the two options.
Which is right?
Do I do this....... or that?
Ecclesiastes 3 shows us that it isn't a competition but instead timing. Instead there is a time when it is appropriate to wait, and a time when we need to get moving!
What determines how we make the decision as to what is a right or wrong choice?
From a Christian perspective the standard that we are supposed to be measuring against is this:
“Which choice will promote love? "
"Which choice will destroy love? "
This can get complicated because what looked like it would promote love on the surface in the end actually resulted in the opposite.
From a Christian perspective the standard that we are supposed to be measuring against is this:
“Which choice will promote love? "
"Which choice will destroy love? "
This can get complicated because what looked like it would promote love on the surface in the end actually resulted in the opposite.
For example a Pleaser will just bends over backwards trying to appease a selfish person. The selfish person looses respect for the pleaser and walk all over him. Since this pleaser only lives in one extreme he will try to please even more........ which of course never works.
On the surface it would look like “If I only do the things THEY like……they will love me!” Oddly it doesn’t work like that. Eventually the pleaser will burn out which results in hurt and resentment. It eventually destroys that relationship: love.
What about the battle between being polite or truthful?
Nice people tend to think the answer to every situation is to be polite.
"If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all".
On the other hand tough people blurt out the truth without any discretion.
Nice people think that it is “RIGHT” to be polite and tough people think it is “RIGHT” to be truthful.
In reality they are both right. The polite person needs to realize that some things need to be discussed openly.
Use as much tact as you can but still stand your ground....
"This is important!"
The tough person needs to pick their battles: "Let it go!"
Some things just don't matter.
Saying hurtful things to someone out of the blue does not motivate them to change.
It motivates them to become angry and then defensive.
The hurt person sees the tough person as the problem (mean, insensitive, petty etc). The rude approach becomes a great excuse to avoid the problem the tough person is trying to bring to their attention. The tough person needs to learn tact.
One of these stances is easy for our nature....... the other goes against the grain of our nature.
We need to learn how to fine tune the one we come by naturally
and struggle our way through the one that is unnatural for us.
So in the end we respond to the actual situation at hand instead of to our own natural defaults.
It is much easier to camp out in our favorite extreme but more effective if we can learn how to operate though out the entire scale. Though I admit this is not easy and without the Holy Spirit guiding us practically impossible.
On the surface it would look like “If I only do the things THEY like……they will love me!” Oddly it doesn’t work like that. Eventually the pleaser will burn out which results in hurt and resentment. It eventually destroys that relationship: love.
What about the battle between being polite or truthful?
Nice people tend to think the answer to every situation is to be polite.
"If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all".
On the other hand tough people blurt out the truth without any discretion.
Nice people think that it is “RIGHT” to be polite and tough people think it is “RIGHT” to be truthful.
In reality they are both right. The polite person needs to realize that some things need to be discussed openly.
Use as much tact as you can but still stand your ground....
"This is important!"
The tough person needs to pick their battles: "Let it go!"
Some things just don't matter.
Saying hurtful things to someone out of the blue does not motivate them to change.
It motivates them to become angry and then defensive.
The hurt person sees the tough person as the problem (mean, insensitive, petty etc). The rude approach becomes a great excuse to avoid the problem the tough person is trying to bring to their attention. The tough person needs to learn tact.
One of these stances is easy for our nature....... the other goes against the grain of our nature.
We need to learn how to fine tune the one we come by naturally
and struggle our way through the one that is unnatural for us.
So in the end we respond to the actual situation at hand instead of to our own natural defaults.
It is much easier to camp out in our favorite extreme but more effective if we can learn how to operate though out the entire scale. Though I admit this is not easy and without the Holy Spirit guiding us practically impossible.
Look at this list.
Are there things on this list you would think of as ALWAYS being wrong?
Are there things on this list you would think of as ALWAYS being wrong?
Ecclesiastes 3
A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.
THE MESSAGE
Killing struck me.
From a Christian perspective the bible supports both capital punishment and eating meat. How about this one: putting down a suffering pet?
Those are examples of a time to kill.
Hate is another one that stood out to me.
It is good to hate seeing people taken advantage of. It is good to hate lying, stealing or cheating.
It is good to hate things that are cruel.
On the flipside it is destructive to enjoy things that are dishonest, sneaky or even brutal. Love the good. Hate the evil. Those would be times to hate. Romans 12:9
Sometimes specific beliefs on a topic can trap us into one extreme.
At other times we just grew up living on one end of the scale without ever being introduced to the other side.
Some people seem to be living in the past,never letting go of the "good 'ol days," or a past love. On the negative side they may collect resentments from a life changing event.
These hurts or changes in life can propel them to a negative extreme. They may become guarded, superficial, or tough. Maybe the fear of that event makes it so they never allow themselves to be affected by anything new. Instead they take off at the first sign of trouble thinking this will protect them.
If a person believes that to cry, or "lament" over a loss is weak and pointless this can happen. Instead of allowing for God's appointed time of grief they stand their ground insisting on remaining "strong".
"Being STRONG is right! Being WEAK is wrong!"
These are the ridged beliefs they stand by.
Ironically that person ends up in a perpetually weak state ACTING strong instead of actually being strong. Gritting our teeth in resistance to a painful wound is not strong. Allowing the wound to get rinsed out so it can heal back up is strong.
A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.
THE MESSAGE
Killing struck me.
From a Christian perspective the bible supports both capital punishment and eating meat. How about this one: putting down a suffering pet?
Those are examples of a time to kill.
Hate is another one that stood out to me.
It is good to hate seeing people taken advantage of. It is good to hate lying, stealing or cheating.
It is good to hate things that are cruel.
On the flipside it is destructive to enjoy things that are dishonest, sneaky or even brutal. Love the good. Hate the evil. Those would be times to hate. Romans 12:9
Sometimes specific beliefs on a topic can trap us into one extreme.
At other times we just grew up living on one end of the scale without ever being introduced to the other side.
Some people seem to be living in the past,never letting go of the "good 'ol days," or a past love. On the negative side they may collect resentments from a life changing event.
These hurts or changes in life can propel them to a negative extreme. They may become guarded, superficial, or tough. Maybe the fear of that event makes it so they never allow themselves to be affected by anything new. Instead they take off at the first sign of trouble thinking this will protect them.
If a person believes that to cry, or "lament" over a loss is weak and pointless this can happen. Instead of allowing for God's appointed time of grief they stand their ground insisting on remaining "strong".
"Being STRONG is right! Being WEAK is wrong!"
These are the ridged beliefs they stand by.
Ironically that person ends up in a perpetually weak state ACTING strong instead of actually being strong. Gritting our teeth in resistance to a painful wound is not strong. Allowing the wound to get rinsed out so it can heal back up is strong.
In another situation a person may actually grieve but instead grieve to an extreme.
They did cry
but then let go of love, hope, happiness or whatever all together.
Instead of just grieving the hopes and dreams shared with the one they loved,
they grieve the existence of good ever happening again. This attitude tends to seal them off from seeing the opportunities for “good” because they live in this bitter mindset.
They need to go back and cry again,
but this time acknowledge that God can make all things new. Grieve the fact that they had tied the hands of God from blessing them by caving into complete dispair.
1 Peter 5:10
As you can see I don't think this section of scripture only means the specific opposites stated in the bible.
I think they are trying to drive home a point: living in a healthy equilibrium.
"There is a time for EVERYTHING….."
So we need to look at the beliefs we embrace or the way we react to a given situation and think it through.
Do I live my life like one size fits all?
Or do I pay attention to what is actually going on and respond to that?
They did cry
but then let go of love, hope, happiness or whatever all together.
Instead of just grieving the hopes and dreams shared with the one they loved,
they grieve the existence of good ever happening again. This attitude tends to seal them off from seeing the opportunities for “good” because they live in this bitter mindset.
They need to go back and cry again,
but this time acknowledge that God can make all things new. Grieve the fact that they had tied the hands of God from blessing them by caving into complete dispair.
1 Peter 5:10
As you can see I don't think this section of scripture only means the specific opposites stated in the bible.
I think they are trying to drive home a point: living in a healthy equilibrium.
"There is a time for EVERYTHING….."
So we need to look at the beliefs we embrace or the way we react to a given situation and think it through.
Do I live my life like one size fits all?
Or do I pay attention to what is actually going on and respond to that?
Here is a list of opposites I thought up:
There is a time to be practical and another to be spiritual,
A time to be serious…….a time to be light hearted,
A time for others and a time for me ,
A time to be organized……. A time to just ignore the mess ,
A time to be positive…… a time to address the negatives ,
A time for work and another to just relax
A time to take control of a situation…… a time to let it play out
A time to reveal what is really going on…….. A time to protect privacy
A time to help others out……. a time to let them be independent
A time be strong……… a time to fall apart
A time to believe them…… a time to call them on their lies
A time to offer an opinion…… a time to let them do it their own way
A time to be outgoing……. A time to be intimate
A time to socialize ……… a time to be alone
A time to mind your own business…………. A time to get involved
A time to push an issue…….. A time to wait for a good opportunity
A time to time to be subtle……………. A time to be straightforward
A time to stand your ground…………… a time to compromise
A time to expect excellence……… A time to give them (or yourself) a break
A time to celebrate your victory........... A time to celebrate someone else's victory
A time to make your point………. A time to listen and just let them vent
A time for emotions…………….A time for logic
A time to trust and another time to be guarded
Hopefully you can see that living in only one extreme can make a mess of things.
Think about the friend who ONLY celebrates their own victories
and refuses to get excited when something great happens in your life?
Think about the abused child and no one wants to "get involved".
It is time to get involved is when someone is genuinely in over their head and due to no fault of their own.
A time to be serious…….a time to be light hearted,
A time for others and a time for me ,
A time to be organized……. A time to just ignore the mess ,
A time to be positive…… a time to address the negatives ,
A time for work and another to just relax
A time to take control of a situation…… a time to let it play out
A time to reveal what is really going on…….. A time to protect privacy
A time to help others out……. a time to let them be independent
A time be strong……… a time to fall apart
A time to believe them…… a time to call them on their lies
A time to offer an opinion…… a time to let them do it their own way
A time to be outgoing……. A time to be intimate
A time to socialize ……… a time to be alone
A time to mind your own business…………. A time to get involved
A time to push an issue…….. A time to wait for a good opportunity
A time to time to be subtle……………. A time to be straightforward
A time to stand your ground…………… a time to compromise
A time to expect excellence……… A time to give them (or yourself) a break
A time to celebrate your victory........... A time to celebrate someone else's victory
A time to make your point………. A time to listen and just let them vent
A time for emotions…………….A time for logic
A time to trust and another time to be guarded
Hopefully you can see that living in only one extreme can make a mess of things.
Think about the friend who ONLY celebrates their own victories
and refuses to get excited when something great happens in your life?
Think about the abused child and no one wants to "get involved".
It is time to get involved is when someone is genuinely in over their head and due to no fault of their own.
The first time I did this I would look at one of the extremes and my insides would curl up in protest.
I found that after going through Ecclesiastes 3 several times I started to notice my background anxiety start to drop. Black listing something God created for a purpose I find creates anxiety. We are supposed to be doing that.
The question is "When is it appropriate?"
"When would it be effective?"
Figuring out the how to use that “tool” properly dispels the anxiety.
I found that after going through Ecclesiastes 3 several times I started to notice my background anxiety start to drop. Black listing something God created for a purpose I find creates anxiety. We are supposed to be doing that.
The question is "When is it appropriate?"
"When would it be effective?"
Figuring out the how to use that “tool” properly dispels the anxiety.
I suppose the biggest example would be anger.
God created anger.
God gets angry.
He created us to get angry.
Again some want to hold on to one extreme or the other.
“All anger” or rage creates fear which looks like promoting respect to the angry person.
“No anger” looks like a pathetic and passive door mat.
Anger used properly gives us the energy to address injustices and take care of problems that need to be addressed.
Anger helps us to face and overcome fear.
It is like a knife. If it is used in a skillful manner it can "cut out injustice".
If used irresponsibly it is the injustice.
God created anger.
God gets angry.
He created us to get angry.
Again some want to hold on to one extreme or the other.
“All anger” or rage creates fear which looks like promoting respect to the angry person.
“No anger” looks like a pathetic and passive door mat.
Anger used properly gives us the energy to address injustices and take care of problems that need to be addressed.
Anger helps us to face and overcome fear.
It is like a knife. If it is used in a skillful manner it can "cut out injustice".
If used irresponsibly it is the injustice.
Anxiety is having two opposing beliefs at the same time.
Using anger as the example: “I have every right to be angry at this situation!”
“It is ALWAYS wrong to feel angry! I am a bad person if I feel these things!”
These oppositions will result in anxiety.
Anger is big but opposite beliefs on any topic can create anxieties. By allowing ourselves an appropriate expression on both ends of the spectrum we can cut that anxiety in half.
For me that has been a good thing!
I Corinthians 10:23 Using anger as the example: “I have every right to be angry at this situation!”
“It is ALWAYS wrong to feel angry! I am a bad person if I feel these things!”
These oppositions will result in anxiety.
Anger is big but opposite beliefs on any topic can create anxieties. By allowing ourselves an appropriate expression on both ends of the spectrum we can cut that anxiety in half.
For me that has been a good thing!
Everything is permissible, but not everything is helpful.
Everything is permissible, but not everything builds up.
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